Insights of an Entity.

I initially wanted to write this at home behind my laptop as I was drowning in another wave of sadness and loneliness but alas I had to attend to life. So now I write this in a bus on the way to shop. Has anyone seen the ride fares; it's insane and yet people are going out. Meeting people,having fun and the most I've done is go out to run errands. One that I'm running right now seems like a stupid quest. I could have gotten the items right in my neighborhood but walking and typing is a chance to reduce my life span, so.... Anyways back to the matter, a couple of good friends told me not be sad and made it sound like it's a switch I activate. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it is nothing more than a child who can't come to terms with his adulthood and just wants to nag. After all people have worse problems. "You have life", they say. A job, friends, family, people who love you. I have no life, I reply. A family I rarely see. Friends I barely know. Love I can...

As he waited on his phone to power up, he thought about what to write. Whether or not, he should even right. Whether it would matter anyways. As he lay in the couch, the air silent, the world asleep and the only sound was that of a silent hum as the fan moved above his head, he wondered if a roof was all he had now. Nothing more but just a roof. A roof under which he slowly faded away, held back by himself and  the circumstances that placed him there. He had never felt such brokenness before, just loneliness, such confused emotions. He thought perhaps it would go away if he slept. Yet under that roof that was all he had, sleep was not a comfort tonight. What made him so sad and lonely? Was it the lack of money to purchase fleeting moments of happiness? Was it the lack of people he called friends who only cared when they needed him? People who read every scream of his and tuned out when it wasn't the right enough frequency for them? Was it the subconscious burden of carrying the we...

"This is for the drugs", I said.

E very morning I pass by the Flagstaff house on my way to work. It's grand, it's beautiful and maybe not that much of a need but we have it. The sprinklers are always spraying away when I pass by and I wonder how the grass feels. Is it a life of the grass is greener on this side of an overload of goodness. As I run this through my mind, I imagine if life would ever be limited to these two phrases. A state of assumed good or continuous good in your current space. If at some point things will get better and if you would accept the better or trust it. When it rains, the dust lifts up and the air is heavy. Some rejoice at this new spot, some cry, some breakdown, some deny the effect it has on them. Is this who I am now, conflicted and denying the good in my life. Denying the things I should fight for and looking for holes in everything. Ever ready to give into the abyss because it is easy. I don't have to work at it. The Flagstaff house grass looks green and well, do ...