Insights of an Entity.

I initially wanted to write this at home behind my laptop as I was drowning in another wave of sadness and loneliness but alas I had to attend to life. So now I write this in a bus on the way to shop. Has anyone seen the ride fares; it's insane and yet people are going out. Meeting people,having fun and the most I've done is go out to run errands. One that I'm running right now seems like a stupid quest. I could have gotten the items right in my neighborhood but walking and typing is a chance to reduce my life span, so.... Anyways back to the matter, a couple of good friends told me not be sad and made it sound like it's a switch I activate. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it is nothing more than a child who can't come to terms with his adulthood and just wants to nag. After all people have worse problems. "You have life", they say. A job, friends, family, people who love you. I have no life, I reply. A family I rarely see. Friends I barely know. Love I can...

As he waited on his phone to power up, he thought about what to write. Whether or not, he should even right. Whether it would matter anyways. As he lay in the couch, the air silent, the world asleep and the only sound was that of a silent hum as the fan moved above his head, he wondered if a roof was all he had now. Nothing more but just a roof. A roof under which he slowly faded away, held back by himself and  the circumstances that placed him there. He had never felt such brokenness before, just loneliness, such confused emotions. He thought perhaps it would go away if he slept. Yet under that roof that was all he had, sleep was not a comfort tonight. What made him so sad and lonely? Was it the lack of money to purchase fleeting moments of happiness? Was it the lack of people he called friends who only cared when they needed him? People who read every scream of his and tuned out when it wasn't the right enough frequency for them? Was it the subconscious burden of carrying the we...

"This is for the drugs", I said.

E very morning I pass by the Flagstaff house on my way to work. It's grand, it's beautiful and maybe not that much of a need but we have it. The sprinklers are always spraying away when I pass by and I wonder how the grass feels. Is it a life of the grass is greener on this side of an overload of goodness. As I run this through my mind, I imagine if life would ever be limited to these two phrases. A state of assumed good or continuous good in your current space. If at some point things will get better and if you would accept the better or trust it. When it rains, the dust lifts up and the air is heavy. Some rejoice at this new spot, some cry, some breakdown, some deny the effect it has on them. Is this who I am now, conflicted and denying the good in my life. Denying the things I should fight for and looking for holes in everything. Ever ready to give into the abyss because it is easy. I don't have to work at it. The Flagstaff house grass looks green and well, do ...

I wish I could write facts and tell you that I'm terrible scared of emotions. Of thoughts of you leaving because you found someone to take refuge in. To have everyone think we are meant to be, only not to be. I wish I could write facts like how my heart physically hurts when I get overwhelmed with emotions or songs. How I fall in love with the smallest of things and the cutest of smiles. How deep down in my heart, I wish I could help all,  yet I fight it. I wish I could write facts like how easy it is for me to accept the faith and the systems. Yet its that very reason that makes it hard for me to accept the faith and the systems. How I'm sometimes curious and wonder how I would be loved if I was ever not my gender. I wish I could write facts and tell you secrets I would take to my grave. But those I would take to my grave. 

The God in us, she came from the earth with us. Grew in our spirits and fed of our trust. Accepted our beliefs and crossed over with us. Like an early morning dew, or the late night sunset, The God in us, ever beautiful, ever radiant. The love we harbour, the love we share. The growth we seek, the warmth none compare. The thoughts we hold onto. The memories we dance to. The God in us, she is an amalgamation of all we seek to be. She flys the heavens and tenders the earth She defends the wind and garnishes the rains. We bask in her glory, day and night. The God in us.